Monkeys

G: Mamas! Mamas! Mamas why do you hate me so much? Mamas why are you acting like a bitch?
V: Probably because you're fondling her toy.
G: I'M NOT FONDLING, I'm playing with it in an attempt to make her play with it. Monkey see, monkey do, she better not be a fucking monkey but that's okay.
(You can head C laughing from across the hall)
G: Monkey! Monkey! Come here mono! Mono Mono! (Insert the best gorilla noise ever)

Kittenfeti

(It would be beneficial to mention that earlier in the week during our labs, we had the opportunity of cutting a pig uterus and looking at the fetuses. G's lab didn't get a fetus, but V's did, which lead to G trying to convince V to bring the fetus home. After a few days, we  were watching The Help, which is what the beginning of this conversation refers to). 

V: G... freaked out.. about Celia putting her babies in the garden...
G: I did not freak out, I just don't understand why it was all weird and sad.
V: No, she was disgusted by this...
A: NO YOU said it was weird and sad
(Around here, I don't know who but someone randomly inserts SLUT into the convo)
V: She was more than willing to bury a baby pig fetus, somewhere around here.
G: I just wanted to see it. I wanted to see it, and then I had to give you a reason to bring it.
V: So we could give it a proper beurial? ...burial?
G: Beurial?
V: Don't change the subject!
G: Yeah, I just wanted to see it, and then you could be like (mumble mumble), and then okay we can bury it, I don't care what we do with it.
V: Someone took a picture of it though!
S: Hold on, I'm sorry, do we have a baby pig fetus in the facility?
A/G/V: No
G: ..but I wish we did.
S: Thank you, all right, then question established, I'm fine with that.
V: Can we get some preservative, and then I'll bring one?
G: Where are you going to get preservative from, i don't know?
V: Exactly...
A: I HAVE FORMULIN JARS!
V: ....with...preservative in it?
S: What is that gonna do?
A: (in response to V's question) Oh well we can always pick that up...
S: I'm so glad you have the jars.
A: ...and then you can just pull out...
G: Just put vodka in them.
A: ...the baby kittens?
V: We're not... putting...
G: Kittens???
S: Wait, I'm sorry, you have kittens in jars?
A: Well they're, like, fetuses.
S: You have kitten fetuses in jars?
G: SO WHY AM I THE WEIRD ONE THAT WANTS ONE FETUS, AND SHE'S ALREADY GOT MULTIPLE FETUSES, AND THAT'S NOT EVEN WEIRD AT ALL???
V: Because we didn't even know about this until right now.

Karma

V: Why do you, why do you hate karma so much?
G: Well because this week I learned CPR and I volunteered at a food bank, and you think it would like, up the karma right? But no, my scanner, my phone, and my bike, all die in the same fucking week. ...And then I get attacked by shit!

Porn Queen

I apologize, I would really love to know exactly what was happening in this one, but it's been so long that the memory has escaped me. Although I believe the finger thing started out with an earlier conversation about shoving a finger down a throat to induce vomit. 

V: Are you having pleasure dreams about my fingers??
A: EWWW
S: What??
G: Porn Queen!
S/V: PORN QUEEN!

People or it didn't happen...

V: I've seen a prolapsed rectum before, it is not a lovely thing at all.
S: On a cow?
V: A dog. On a puppy.
S: People or it didn't happen!
V: ...PEOPLE or it didn't happen? Really?
G: That's not a thing...

More Hamsters

G: Why do I go on hamsters a lot? I don't really, I don't even like hamsters. We had one named Griffy once. He was our class hamster.
V: Named what?
G: Griffy. Like Griffy Jr.
C: Did it die and your teacher like..
G: Probably, I don't know what happened to it. I was like why do we have a hamster?Like a class hamster, and like everyone had to take care of it for like a week. We put it in a fish tank and it just peed in it. And then when I had to use the fish tank for fish I had to clean it out really good. ..I don't like hamsters.
V: Why?
G: BECAUSE THEY PEE IN FISH TANKS!

V: So why did the hamsters come up?
G: Because you said it was a hamper, but hamper is a stupid word, you might as well call it a hamster.
C: And putting laundry in a hamster isn't stupid?
G: You never did that when you were little? We always would call it the hamster.
C & V: Noooo
G: But hampers a dumb word.
V: Why is it a dumb word?
G: Because it's all "hampery" you know?
C: Oh my God!
G: Hamsters like, Hamster, and hampers like hamper. You know like, it's just not as cool. 

Make Loves

V: What?
G: You told me, well, you told the cat "Make love to her". I said no, I don't want to make love to cat. So that's why I was saying give him sugar.
V: I didn't
G: Sugar is like awww, but make loves is like, okay, that's a cat! I'm not a cat, so I don't do that!
C: Oh my God
G: I'm not, I'm not making this up.
V: I didn't tell you to fuck the cat.
G: Yea you did! You said make love to the cat!
V: I told the cat to make loves to G!
G: SEE! She admits it!
C: Doesn't mean screw!
G: She said make love! That's what that meeeaaaaans!
C: For humans!
G: But she's inss.. inssinuating beastialityyyyy.
C: Oh my God.
G: SHE IS!
V: Are you secretly lesbian with my cat? Are you admitting to this?
G: No, I'm saying you're trying to get me to be a secret lesbian with your cat, but that's not gonna work because I'm not sexually attracted to your cat!

That's A Direct Quote!

V: Why
G: She told me to make love to the cat... or the cat to make love to me. I said, do you even know what that means?
C: Did she like, find another bottle while I was in my room?
G: (In sing song) SSSHE told me that! Uh, That's a direct quote! 

Laundry In The Hamster

(G.. after having a bit too many drinks decided to tell us about how she called hampers hamsters instead)
G: ...so we would call it a hamster. ..you put it in the hamster!
V: ...you literally..
C: Oh my God....
G: YOU NEVER HEARD put the laundry in the hamster.. where did she even go?