Monkeys

G: Mamas! Mamas! Mamas why do you hate me so much? Mamas why are you acting like a bitch?
V: Probably because you're fondling her toy.
G: I'M NOT FONDLING, I'm playing with it in an attempt to make her play with it. Monkey see, monkey do, she better not be a fucking monkey but that's okay.
(You can head C laughing from across the hall)
G: Monkey! Monkey! Come here mono! Mono Mono! (Insert the best gorilla noise ever)

Kittenfeti

(It would be beneficial to mention that earlier in the week during our labs, we had the opportunity of cutting a pig uterus and looking at the fetuses. G's lab didn't get a fetus, but V's did, which lead to G trying to convince V to bring the fetus home. After a few days, we  were watching The Help, which is what the beginning of this conversation refers to). 

V: G... freaked out.. about Celia putting her babies in the garden...
G: I did not freak out, I just don't understand why it was all weird and sad.
V: No, she was disgusted by this...
A: NO YOU said it was weird and sad
(Around here, I don't know who but someone randomly inserts SLUT into the convo)
V: She was more than willing to bury a baby pig fetus, somewhere around here.
G: I just wanted to see it. I wanted to see it, and then I had to give you a reason to bring it.
V: So we could give it a proper beurial? ...burial?
G: Beurial?
V: Don't change the subject!
G: Yeah, I just wanted to see it, and then you could be like (mumble mumble), and then okay we can bury it, I don't care what we do with it.
V: Someone took a picture of it though!
S: Hold on, I'm sorry, do we have a baby pig fetus in the facility?
A/G/V: No
G: ..but I wish we did.
S: Thank you, all right, then question established, I'm fine with that.
V: Can we get some preservative, and then I'll bring one?
G: Where are you going to get preservative from, i don't know?
V: Exactly...
A: I HAVE FORMULIN JARS!
V: ....with...preservative in it?
S: What is that gonna do?
A: (in response to V's question) Oh well we can always pick that up...
S: I'm so glad you have the jars.
A: ...and then you can just pull out...
G: Just put vodka in them.
A: ...the baby kittens?
V: We're not... putting...
G: Kittens???
S: Wait, I'm sorry, you have kittens in jars?
A: Well they're, like, fetuses.
S: You have kitten fetuses in jars?
G: SO WHY AM I THE WEIRD ONE THAT WANTS ONE FETUS, AND SHE'S ALREADY GOT MULTIPLE FETUSES, AND THAT'S NOT EVEN WEIRD AT ALL???
V: Because we didn't even know about this until right now.

Karma

V: Why do you, why do you hate karma so much?
G: Well because this week I learned CPR and I volunteered at a food bank, and you think it would like, up the karma right? But no, my scanner, my phone, and my bike, all die in the same fucking week. ...And then I get attacked by shit!

Porn Queen

I apologize, I would really love to know exactly what was happening in this one, but it's been so long that the memory has escaped me. Although I believe the finger thing started out with an earlier conversation about shoving a finger down a throat to induce vomit. 

V: Are you having pleasure dreams about my fingers??
A: EWWW
S: What??
G: Porn Queen!
S/V: PORN QUEEN!

People or it didn't happen...

V: I've seen a prolapsed rectum before, it is not a lovely thing at all.
S: On a cow?
V: A dog. On a puppy.
S: People or it didn't happen!
V: ...PEOPLE or it didn't happen? Really?
G: That's not a thing...

More Hamsters

G: Why do I go on hamsters a lot? I don't really, I don't even like hamsters. We had one named Griffy once. He was our class hamster.
V: Named what?
G: Griffy. Like Griffy Jr.
C: Did it die and your teacher like..
G: Probably, I don't know what happened to it. I was like why do we have a hamster?Like a class hamster, and like everyone had to take care of it for like a week. We put it in a fish tank and it just peed in it. And then when I had to use the fish tank for fish I had to clean it out really good. ..I don't like hamsters.
V: Why?
G: BECAUSE THEY PEE IN FISH TANKS!

V: So why did the hamsters come up?
G: Because you said it was a hamper, but hamper is a stupid word, you might as well call it a hamster.
C: And putting laundry in a hamster isn't stupid?
G: You never did that when you were little? We always would call it the hamster.
C & V: Noooo
G: But hampers a dumb word.
V: Why is it a dumb word?
G: Because it's all "hampery" you know?
C: Oh my God!
G: Hamsters like, Hamster, and hampers like hamper. You know like, it's just not as cool. 

Make Loves

V: What?
G: You told me, well, you told the cat "Make love to her". I said no, I don't want to make love to cat. So that's why I was saying give him sugar.
V: I didn't
G: Sugar is like awww, but make loves is like, okay, that's a cat! I'm not a cat, so I don't do that!
C: Oh my God
G: I'm not, I'm not making this up.
V: I didn't tell you to fuck the cat.
G: Yea you did! You said make love to the cat!
V: I told the cat to make loves to G!
G: SEE! She admits it!
C: Doesn't mean screw!
G: She said make love! That's what that meeeaaaaans!
C: For humans!
G: But she's inss.. inssinuating beastialityyyyy.
C: Oh my God.
G: SHE IS!
V: Are you secretly lesbian with my cat? Are you admitting to this?
G: No, I'm saying you're trying to get me to be a secret lesbian with your cat, but that's not gonna work because I'm not sexually attracted to your cat!

That's A Direct Quote!

V: Why
G: She told me to make love to the cat... or the cat to make love to me. I said, do you even know what that means?
C: Did she like, find another bottle while I was in my room?
G: (In sing song) SSSHE told me that! Uh, That's a direct quote! 

Laundry In The Hamster

(G.. after having a bit too many drinks decided to tell us about how she called hampers hamsters instead)
G: ...so we would call it a hamster. ..you put it in the hamster!
V: ...you literally..
C: Oh my God....
G: YOU NEVER HEARD put the laundry in the hamster.. where did she even go?

The Mamas Song

A song performed by our roommate G to our cat Mamas

Meow

(No kitties were harmed in the making of this)

Kitty: ...meow...
S: Anyways, and then they just spin you around in a circle, and then the second one is somebody has to ride on a bike to test their cardiovascular system...
Kitty: Meow...
S: ...but I don't have to do that because I'm writing the report. And then the last one is you have to collect your urine...
Kitty: Meow...
S: ...for like a day.
G: Ewww
S: And you can't drink any coffee or caffeine...
Kitty: Meow...
S: ...so I'm like S.O.L. because that's what I live on. I'm gonna be...
Kitty: MEOW....
S: ...so screwed. Kitty, shut up kitty. God, I'm talking not you! WWWAAAHHHHH

Buttcheeks

V: I can get you butt pads for your birthday.
S: Aww thanks. That's nice.
V: And then I can use them whenever..
S: Yea we can share!
V: Oh there you go.
S: Matching butt pads.
V: One cheek each.
S: Oh... that would be terrible.
G: You would just have to walk, like, together.
V: Conjoined ass twins.
G: Like three legged race style.
S: We can have like, yup that's just it, that's all we get. Good Lord. You be right cheek, I'll be left cheek.
V: Why are you going to be the left?
S: I don't know, you be the left, I was just thinking.
V: I'm left handed, maybe I'm left assed...ed too.
G: You don't have an assedness... I don't think you've got a preferable side.
S: See, ok, but, if I'm...
V: What if people do? How would you know?
S: See, no, no, I have to be the left cheek, cause then when we'd walk next to each other I still have my right arm to do things and you'd have your left arm.
V: Well see, there you go.
S: Sp there we go.
G: Oh, true.

I Have The Vomit Force

S: I don't have a gag reflex :(
G: hahaha, slut!
S: I know right. Been there, done that, this is old news. 
G: ok
S: I don't, can't, how do you make yourself throw up? Like I can't make myself throw up.
V: You look in a toilet and you go (special sound effect here)
S: I can't do that, it doesn't work.
V: Just think of vomiting.
G: It's a mental thing.
S: I try!
G: just like I'm gonna vomit and...
A: I can think of vomit all day and not throw up.
S: I know.
G: You're not thinking of like, a puddle of vomit, you're like I'm going to try...
A: No, I picture me...
G: I'm going to throw up because my stomach is going to do it right now.
S: I'm going to think I'm going to throw up right now.I'm just going to sit here and think because I feel like shit, and I really would like to throw up.
V: Right now?
S: Yes!
G: You have to feel like, legitimately, horribly shitty..
S: I know! My stomach hurts so bad.
G:...and have a good reason not just because you wanna throw up.
V: Well that's cause you're full.
S: I know but I feel so sick...
V: You can't, I mean you can throw up when you're full, but usually that's not...
G: Well don't sit straight up, you wanna be, like, over, like a toilet and be like hlllll
S: I have to be like..
G: (more noises)
S: Thank you.
G: Put your fingers in your throat and stuff
V: You put your finger in your throat?
G: No, I can do it with my mind! Like a jedi!
V: You have the force?
G: I HAVE THE VOMIT FORCE!
S: (smacks into her dresser) OWW!!!

Vomit

A: I was like great, your vomit looked like my freakin' granola...
G: Ewwwww
V: YOU'RE NOT ONE TO TALK! YOU THREW UP ON HER CAR!
G: I KNOW!!!
A: I KNOW, I WAS ALL LIKE, THAT WAS MIXED WITH LIKE FREAKIN' MILK AND OATMEAL ON THE SIDE OF MY CAR
G: I TOLD YOU I'D CLEAN IT UP! ...sorry...

Voldemort

G: You should come with me and make an appearance, and then leave. heehee
S: You could.
V: Voldemort!
G: Voldemort does not 'make appearances'.
S: (talking about a previous incident including S and G) Voldemort just drinks people's drinks and then leaves!
G: That sounds about right.
V: Two rods over here..
G: Yup
S: Two rods! ...roddy rod rod

Re: Awkward Cervix

S: AWKWARD MARSUPIAL CERVIXXXXXX!
G: ....oviduct....
---strange little female repro anatomy song---
G: Infundibulum 

Awkward Cervix

During this time, three of us were taking an animal reproduction class and needless to say, at this point in time we had way too much fun with it. Apologies if none of it makes sense.

V: Y cervix?
S: Y cervix like a marsupiiiial!
V/S: Break into an awkward cervix moment. (Here we are making y shapes with our arms)
G: That's not a cervix at all. This is a cervix. (Makes a triangle)
S: This is a cervix!
G: This is a cervix!
V: It's a marsupial cervix.
S: Duuuhhh, bitch!
V: And that's why it's awkward, because it's a y-shape.
S: Cause it's a y-shape.
G: But you need, like a...
S: And then it collapses, it's got a collapsed uterus.
V: Why are you, like, squeezing?
G: It's like a cervix.
V: You're squeezing the ovaries up here, or uteruses.
G: No, um, this is a c-cervix and then, but you're trying to make them like
V: We're talking about a marsupial cervix.
S: I don't know what you're talking about.
G: No, spiky, but then there's two, so you need to make them like (incoherent mumbling)!
V: I don't think cervixes are spiky at all.
S: I would hope that cervixes aren't spiky!

Like Penny

S: I'm a big fat slut like Penny...
A: What are you laughing at?
S: Me?
A: Why are you giving me that look? You gave me like a weird look, like..
S: You had a look. Crazy eyes. Cray Cray them eyeballs.
G: She's got the look, She's got the looook. She's go the look.. and I don't know what comes next but it sounds like this. No? No one's ever heard this song?
S: No! It's like the freakin' semen song, oh the sperm.
G: It's probably called she's got the look
S: It's like the sperm song all over again!

Seashells

Just as a background - We have a tiny bucket of shells in out bathroom on top of the toilet, and for some reason, every time G is in the bathroom they always fall and spill everywhere.

V: Do you wiggle the bucket of shells every time you go in there?
G: Yea, I'm not saying go in there and jigglejigglejigglejiggle...
A: Call The Girl Bojangles!
G: NO! I said you sit on it, and then like, you know, the vibrations of the toilet when you're putting your ass on it starts wiggling the thing, an then like it wiggles and wiggles.. don;t you guys notice that it like changes when...
V: NO!
S: No! It doesn't move!
G: I'm always moving it! I always have to move it back to the center because it's always moving. I walk in there and I'm like 'what the hell it's not in the middle anymore', so I move it to the middle. Am I the only one that does that? That would explain why it moves to much.
S: I still don't understand what you're..
A: Every time I go to the restroom and I look at the shells, it's always in the same spot.
G: YEA, BECAUSE I MOVE IT EVERY TIME I GO IN THERE! DAMN SHELLS! GO BACK!
S: So what, you forget to move it, and then it falls on you?
G: Yea
S: You look so mad at these shells right now.
G: I HATE THE SHELLS!