Our Goat Dairy



(Sidenote, day before our last final. A friend was over, who we will name Alfie, and we began thinking of how we could one day own an operating goat dairy together.)
S: Sooo, I'm going to call you one day, and be like, "Hey, I wanna bring my third grade class to your dairy, and look around. What kind of things would you do on the tour?
G: Well, we'd go and there'd be a window into the milking parlor and we'd stand there and be like "okay so you milk goats, and they have lots of milk and it's really cool, but it goes in the tank so you can't actually have any, so hahaha". And then we would move on into the barn and we would be like "These are milking goats, and these are non-milking goats, and these are like baaaaby goats, and they could like pet the baby goats or something.
S: What would they learn?
G: About goats, DUUUHHH! and like milk and agriculture, and..
S: Would they get a little sack lunch?
G: NO! We're a business, bring your own fucking lunch. You can give us a donation, and then we'll give you a lunch!
S: So, like, are you gonna do these tours on a regular basis, or like what?
G: Whenever people wanna come. We wanna have an open transparent business model.
S: Are you gonna have like a picnic area, so that if I bring my kids, because they're obviously gonna want lunch?
G: That would be fun! Well see we're gonna have to live there, so we'll probably have a kitchen or something. But we should have a picnic area! Yea, do you wanna buy us a picnic table?
S: Does this make me a partner in the business?
V: You walked into that one ooonnnn your own.
S: What else? Do they get like, souveneirs or something? Because I remember this one time I went to this goold mine and we got to pan for gold
G: It's not a gold mine! It's not a tourist attraction! It's a working business!
S: But we got to learn about a ton of stuff!
(Bunch of jobberish)
Alfie: There could be a loft about the tank room, with a window and it could be a little classroom, and they could sit there and see the milking.
S: You guys should make like a movie, because when I went to the gold min they had this little movie about like the whole thing.
G: Oh, Yeah, we could! We could put it on our website, which I'm gonna design.
S: No you don't put it on your website, you put a little brochure on your website, and you make them come in to the tour for the movie.
G: They don't wanna see a movie if they can pet live goats that are right next to them.
S: Well they do like, it would be part of the tour. You don't wanna have, yea, your gonna have to drive to Placerville to go to your dairy, so they're gonna want something to do for like the day.
G: It's not a day trip! It's just like you know, Oh, we drink goats milk, we are a little organic family, whatever.
V and Alfie: WE ARE NOT ORGANIC!!!

Storytime With Glycolysis



(In this one, G was trying to find a way to memorize the Glycolysis pathway, because of this, she came up with a very interesting story involving the steps of the second half of glycolysis. Bonus points if you know what she's actually talking about!)
G: So we start here, with threeee cheerleaders.
A: They're all sluts...
G: No, STOP, okay, the three cheerleaders. One of them, mutates, so now there's two cheerleaders. Okay, um, and then they meet, oh, well, these two cheerleaders, they don't like brushing their teeth, they don't like Fluoride. Um, and, they meet these two hot guys and they're named Enol, and Ase, and they get really sweaty so they lose all their water.
A: EWWW, That's disgusting!
G: And then, but they're like Oh My God, Oh My God, so they forget about Enol and Ase, and they go to the PEP rally. And then, at the PEP rally, they're still kinda freaked out about Enol and Ase, right? So they have two "O"'s....
V: ..Gretchen just mouthed an "O".
G: Yea, yea right, you missed that! Um okay, so then after the PEP rally they go to the soccer game and the Captain, who's the control of the team, kicks the penalty kick, the PK. Um, but he didn't do so good... yea he did do good...no he didn't do good, no. Originally he didn't think he was going to do good because he didn't have any protein because he didn't like Alanine. But then he had some fruit, with the fructose, and um he did good!
V: He made ATP
G: (Gives me a death glare) ...Yea, yea, and he got energy and he made ATP. And then, they made a Pyruvate pyramid at the end!
V: I love how angry she looked at me and then was like... yea

Finals Week - Third To Last Day

(Studying the Glycolysis Pathway)

G: NO!
A: But you need to…
G: I’M LEARNING!!
S: So see look, from Glyceraldehyde to the 1-2-BisPhosphoGlycerate it’s the Dehydrogenase
G: So.. the Hydrogen goes to water?
S: TAKE THE HYDROGEN, NO, TAKE THE HYDROGEN! Take the Hydrogen
G: ..What??
S: Take the Hydrogen
G: But that’s what I’ve got here…
S: Nope, take the Hydrogen
G: ……. OH! ..that is a Hydrogen

 

V: *cough cough cough* ……I just choked on fucking spit
S: I’m trained in first aid and cpr can I help you?
A: Give her mouth to mouth!
V: ew
S: ew

(So while S was out of the house earlier that day, we had somehow substituted the “It’s Raining Men” song, to “It’s Raining Sperm.” When S came back, we told her about this but didn’t tell G we told S. )
V: Burp
S: That was attractive.. I have such attractive roommates.. singing sperm songs all day long…
G: Did you tell her about that??
V: No
G: Oh, wwooo, Did you just guess that?
S: Yea, I figured it had something to do with sperm, because you love sperm. You were so gung-ho and ready to sing this song I knew it had to be something about sperm.
G: …Somebody told you… YOU HEARD IT! You were standing outside you must’ve heard us singing…
S: ..what? NOO I DIDN’T!
(everyone chimes in)
S: What is the sperm song? Now I wanna hear!
G: No!

(G breaking out into her rendition of the sperm song from Monty Python. Keep in mind, the rest of us have no idea that this song exists, and we really are trying to keep up with this)

(For this next one I didn’t start recording until after the “Boy did I go into the wrong profession!”)
V: I  don’t know if you heard, but last year they released this article on kinky sex… and (Prof) was reading this at the time in class and he goes: Boy did I go into the wrong profession! And it was, like, the most awkward moment, everone was like…eaaaa.  
S: Wait I remember you telling me about this!
V: Yea, and then he talked about his Willy.. like, it’s name is Willy… , like Wilbert or something like that…
G: OH Did I have to know that?! Ooohhhh nooooo
V: Yea, it can be a bonus question!
G: What is my penis’ name?
A: WILBERT!
G: oooohhh shit
S: He told you that he named his penis Wilbert?
V: It came up! Like I know his penis’ name is Wilber, Willy.
S: How would you know this?
V: I don’t know, we were talking about like urination or something… and the whole class was like uuhhh.

Intros

So, as it says in the general heading, this blog will pretty much document the rest of our college year while living together. Our names, for the sake of this blog are A, C, G, S, and V, and these will usually precede the conversations. These conservations are real, ...seriously, as stupid as they sound, I swear they actually took place. So, enjoy, be confused, and feel free to laugh, because we sure do.