The Mamas Song

A song performed by our roommate G to our cat Mamas

Meow

(No kitties were harmed in the making of this)

Kitty: ...meow...
S: Anyways, and then they just spin you around in a circle, and then the second one is somebody has to ride on a bike to test their cardiovascular system...
Kitty: Meow...
S: ...but I don't have to do that because I'm writing the report. And then the last one is you have to collect your urine...
Kitty: Meow...
S: ...for like a day.
G: Ewww
S: And you can't drink any coffee or caffeine...
Kitty: Meow...
S: ...so I'm like S.O.L. because that's what I live on. I'm gonna be...
Kitty: MEOW....
S: ...so screwed. Kitty, shut up kitty. God, I'm talking not you! WWWAAAHHHHH

Buttcheeks

V: I can get you butt pads for your birthday.
S: Aww thanks. That's nice.
V: And then I can use them whenever..
S: Yea we can share!
V: Oh there you go.
S: Matching butt pads.
V: One cheek each.
S: Oh... that would be terrible.
G: You would just have to walk, like, together.
V: Conjoined ass twins.
G: Like three legged race style.
S: We can have like, yup that's just it, that's all we get. Good Lord. You be right cheek, I'll be left cheek.
V: Why are you going to be the left?
S: I don't know, you be the left, I was just thinking.
V: I'm left handed, maybe I'm left assed...ed too.
G: You don't have an assedness... I don't think you've got a preferable side.
S: See, ok, but, if I'm...
V: What if people do? How would you know?
S: See, no, no, I have to be the left cheek, cause then when we'd walk next to each other I still have my right arm to do things and you'd have your left arm.
V: Well see, there you go.
S: Sp there we go.
G: Oh, true.

I Have The Vomit Force

S: I don't have a gag reflex :(
G: hahaha, slut!
S: I know right. Been there, done that, this is old news. 
G: ok
S: I don't, can't, how do you make yourself throw up? Like I can't make myself throw up.
V: You look in a toilet and you go (special sound effect here)
S: I can't do that, it doesn't work.
V: Just think of vomiting.
G: It's a mental thing.
S: I try!
G: just like I'm gonna vomit and...
A: I can think of vomit all day and not throw up.
S: I know.
G: You're not thinking of like, a puddle of vomit, you're like I'm going to try...
A: No, I picture me...
G: I'm going to throw up because my stomach is going to do it right now.
S: I'm going to think I'm going to throw up right now.I'm just going to sit here and think because I feel like shit, and I really would like to throw up.
V: Right now?
S: Yes!
G: You have to feel like, legitimately, horribly shitty..
S: I know! My stomach hurts so bad.
G:...and have a good reason not just because you wanna throw up.
V: Well that's cause you're full.
S: I know but I feel so sick...
V: You can't, I mean you can throw up when you're full, but usually that's not...
G: Well don't sit straight up, you wanna be, like, over, like a toilet and be like hlllll
S: I have to be like..
G: (more noises)
S: Thank you.
G: Put your fingers in your throat and stuff
V: You put your finger in your throat?
G: No, I can do it with my mind! Like a jedi!
V: You have the force?
G: I HAVE THE VOMIT FORCE!
S: (smacks into her dresser) OWW!!!

Vomit

A: I was like great, your vomit looked like my freakin' granola...
G: Ewwwww
V: YOU'RE NOT ONE TO TALK! YOU THREW UP ON HER CAR!
G: I KNOW!!!
A: I KNOW, I WAS ALL LIKE, THAT WAS MIXED WITH LIKE FREAKIN' MILK AND OATMEAL ON THE SIDE OF MY CAR
G: I TOLD YOU I'D CLEAN IT UP! ...sorry...

Voldemort

G: You should come with me and make an appearance, and then leave. heehee
S: You could.
V: Voldemort!
G: Voldemort does not 'make appearances'.
S: (talking about a previous incident including S and G) Voldemort just drinks people's drinks and then leaves!
G: That sounds about right.
V: Two rods over here..
G: Yup
S: Two rods! ...roddy rod rod

Re: Awkward Cervix

S: AWKWARD MARSUPIAL CERVIXXXXXX!
G: ....oviduct....
---strange little female repro anatomy song---
G: Infundibulum 

Awkward Cervix

During this time, three of us were taking an animal reproduction class and needless to say, at this point in time we had way too much fun with it. Apologies if none of it makes sense.

V: Y cervix?
S: Y cervix like a marsupiiiial!
V/S: Break into an awkward cervix moment. (Here we are making y shapes with our arms)
G: That's not a cervix at all. This is a cervix. (Makes a triangle)
S: This is a cervix!
G: This is a cervix!
V: It's a marsupial cervix.
S: Duuuhhh, bitch!
V: And that's why it's awkward, because it's a y-shape.
S: Cause it's a y-shape.
G: But you need, like a...
S: And then it collapses, it's got a collapsed uterus.
V: Why are you, like, squeezing?
G: It's like a cervix.
V: You're squeezing the ovaries up here, or uteruses.
G: No, um, this is a c-cervix and then, but you're trying to make them like
V: We're talking about a marsupial cervix.
S: I don't know what you're talking about.
G: No, spiky, but then there's two, so you need to make them like (incoherent mumbling)!
V: I don't think cervixes are spiky at all.
S: I would hope that cervixes aren't spiky!

Like Penny

S: I'm a big fat slut like Penny...
A: What are you laughing at?
S: Me?
A: Why are you giving me that look? You gave me like a weird look, like..
S: You had a look. Crazy eyes. Cray Cray them eyeballs.
G: She's got the look, She's got the looook. She's go the look.. and I don't know what comes next but it sounds like this. No? No one's ever heard this song?
S: No! It's like the freakin' semen song, oh the sperm.
G: It's probably called she's got the look
S: It's like the sperm song all over again!

Seashells

Just as a background - We have a tiny bucket of shells in out bathroom on top of the toilet, and for some reason, every time G is in the bathroom they always fall and spill everywhere.

V: Do you wiggle the bucket of shells every time you go in there?
G: Yea, I'm not saying go in there and jigglejigglejigglejiggle...
A: Call The Girl Bojangles!
G: NO! I said you sit on it, and then like, you know, the vibrations of the toilet when you're putting your ass on it starts wiggling the thing, an then like it wiggles and wiggles.. don;t you guys notice that it like changes when...
V: NO!
S: No! It doesn't move!
G: I'm always moving it! I always have to move it back to the center because it's always moving. I walk in there and I'm like 'what the hell it's not in the middle anymore', so I move it to the middle. Am I the only one that does that? That would explain why it moves to much.
S: I still don't understand what you're..
A: Every time I go to the restroom and I look at the shells, it's always in the same spot.
G: YEA, BECAUSE I MOVE IT EVERY TIME I GO IN THERE! DAMN SHELLS! GO BACK!
S: So what, you forget to move it, and then it falls on you?
G: Yea
S: You look so mad at these shells right now.
G: I HATE THE SHELLS!